Tag: Poetry Community

Anxious Livin’ is No Livin’ At All

heavily breathing

turns into 

holding my breath for so long

turns into

not breathing at all

 

realizing I’m clenching tight

my hands and my toes

tongue’s glued to the top of my mouth

lips feel wired shut

 

head down to avoid looking

to ignore the stares

from those who

just don’t get it

my thoughts run wild

from school to work to dinner

such trivial things

what’s gonna happen?

what will tomorrow be like?

frantic thinking now

start to think of the future

consciously aware

of the panic setting in

where will I be then?

my goals? a relationship?

will I have children?

will I ever get married?

I think about everything

now, and all at once

panicking, I just

shut down

back to the present

Ferris Wheel

Her perfume floats through the warm summer air. Floral – her favorite. She walked on by, without so much as a stare. My heart is racing a mile a minute, all the while my legs want to give out. How does she still have this affect on me? Time stands still – memories from long ago suddenly flash through my head. How long has it been? 5 years? I picture the last moment we spent together, a beautiful night at the pier, holding each other close, while we rode round the Ferris wheel. She seemed so happy that night. So vibrant and full of life. We fell in love so quick, with no cares in the world. I’ve never been more proud to call anyone my girl. As quick as it all came to be, she went away for school. I remember her saying “I’ll be back, you’ll see!” We kept in touch in the beginning. I was eager to do whatever it took – but she wasn’t willing. I never expected to see her again, but now, here she was. I wonder if she saw me..Should I call her name? Would the love we shared back then ever be the same? I had the urge to follow her; let the floral perfume lead the way. As I was pondering the decision to see where she went, a sweet little girl tugs my jeans and says, “Hey mister, have you seen where my mommy went?” Time begins to unfreeze and I look down. My eyes grow wide and I start to frown. She looks just like me…The girl begins to cry – I’m too shocked to even notice. Behind her, I hear a voice I know all too well: “Jazmine, where are you Jazmine?” My mouth damn near dropped to my knees. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The gentle voice moves closer and closer; the floral scent growing stronger. “Mommy, mommy, I’m happy I found you!” Brandi swiftly picks up the girl. Her daughter? She seems just as shocked as I am. “Wow…I never thought I’d see you again” She sees my eyes moving from the little girl to her. The only words I could muster up were “Is this real?” She replies cautiously, “Remember the time on the old Ferris wheel?”

(Un)Reachable Aspirations

I sometimes need to convince myself

 

that I can change the hand I’ve been dealt

 

I know situations can change

 

and that there is sunshine after the rain

 

yet I can’t help but to feel so stuck

 

with my head barely above the muck

 

I remind myself to think about the bigger picture

 

great things are coming soon, though I wish it’d happen quicker

 

I tell myself that these sleepless nights are worth it in the long run

 

Even though I’d love to take some nights off to have fun

 

Though the road to turning dreams into reality is long; with lots of bumps, turns and twists

 

I tell myself that, through it all, I have to push through and persist

 

In Search of…

She’s been looking for acceptance in all the wrong places

 

Looking for familiarity in all these random faces

 

She’s been searching for love in anyone she meets

 

Nothing is found in these ever changing sheets

 

She longs for something she’s not sure exists

 

Love? Happiness? She’s not quite sure what it is

 

She questions her choices and her motives

 

She hates that despite it all, she always feels so broken

No Good Answers

Why do we hold onto things that make us sad?

Talk to those who make us mad?

Why do we look for happiness in others?

When we know it’ll only cause us to suffer?

Why do we put someone else’s needs ahead of our own?

Is it because we believe it’ll help out self love grow?

Why do we stay with people who don’t care?

Is it because we just want someone, anyone, to be there?

A Battle Within Myself

I care so much for others

To the point where I become a bother

I feel everyone’s pain; I’m too empathetic

Yet I’m numb to my own; it’s deeply embedded

I can love anyone despite what they’ve overcome

To love myself, though, has been the hardest thing I’ve done

 

 

Slow and Eternal Burn

He put a match to her heart

And watched it slowly set aflame

He toyed with her emotions as if it were one big game

He led her on, made her believe in happily ever after

Little did she know, it would all end in disaster

She showered him with compassion and kindness

Even loved the worst parts she could find in him

It was never enough

He walked away and left her heart to disintegrate

She’s still waiting for her love for him to dissipate