holding my breath for so long
not breathing at all
realizing I’m clenching tight
my hands and my toes
tongue’s glued to the top of my mouth
lips feel wired shut
head down to avoid looking
to ignore the stares
from those who
just don’t get it
my thoughts run wild
from school to work to dinner
such trivial things
what’s gonna happen?
what will tomorrow be like?
frantic thinking now
start to think of the future
of the panic setting in
where will I be then?
my goals? a relationship?
will I have children?
will I ever get married?
I think about everything
now, and all at once
panicking, I just
back to the present
Arms up ready to shout
Falling to the ground
A rush of pain
Slow and hot like a flame
Shirt torn, jeans stained
Am I the one to blame?
Pushing off the ground
Trying to reflect but nothing is found
Feeling remorseful and not so proud
What am I doing wrong?
Still the same old song
Why can’t I break free from the hurt?
I yell as my feet stomp the earth
Running and running away
It’s all I know; its even harder to stay
She’s been looking for acceptance in all the wrong places
Looking for familiarity in all these random faces
She’s been searching for love in anyone she meets
Nothing is found in these ever changing sheets
She longs for something she’s not sure exists
Love? Happiness? She’s not quite sure what it is
She questions her choices and her motives
She hates that despite it all, she always feels so broken
Why do we hold onto things that make us sad?
Talk to those who make us mad?
Why do we look for happiness in others?
When we know it’ll only cause us to suffer?
Why do we put someone else’s needs ahead of our own?
Is it because we believe it’ll help out self love grow?
Why do we stay with people who don’t care?
Is it because we just want someone, anyone, to be there?
Being alone is either a hit or miss
Sometimes it feels like hell, other times like pure bliss
The peace and quiet can be serene and delightful
Sometimes it’s like the whole world is being spiteful
Most days it feels great to be all alone
Then there are times you need to break free of your comfort zone
Sometimes you can’t bear the feeling of being lonely and secluded
Yet the idea of being with someone seems so convoluted
With thoughts of loneliness that can’t be suppressed
This constant need to be alone is something you begin to detest