Tag: life

Anxious Livin’ is No Livin’ At All

heavily breathing

turns into 

holding my breath for so long

turns into

not breathing at all


realizing I’m clenching tight

my hands and my toes

tongue’s glued to the top of my mouth

lips feel wired shut


head down to avoid looking

to ignore the stares

from those who

just don’t get it

my thoughts run wild

from school to work to dinner

such trivial things

what’s gonna happen?

what will tomorrow be like?

frantic thinking now

start to think of the future

consciously aware

of the panic setting in

where will I be then?

my goals? a relationship?

will I have children?

will I ever get married?

I think about everything

now, and all at once

panicking, I just

shut down

back to the present

Write, Release, Repeat

Please put that damned pen down”


Go talk to someone”


not realizing writing helps


I don’t want to talk


don’t want to sit in a chair


just to talk about


emotional attachment


just to see someone judge me 


for not moving on


to feel awkward when I cry


I’d rather write down


the way I feel, without shame


without the stigma


of someone from the outside


forcing themselves to dig in

Ferris Wheel

Her perfume floats through the warm summer air. Floral – her favorite. She walked on by, without so much as a stare. My heart is racing a mile a minute, all the while my legs want to give out. How does she still have this affect on me? Time stands still – memories from long ago suddenly flash through my head. How long has it been? 5 years? I picture the last moment we spent together, a beautiful night at the pier, holding each other close, while we rode round the Ferris wheel. She seemed so happy that night. So vibrant and full of life. We fell in love so quick, with no cares in the world. I’ve never been more proud to call anyone my girl. As quick as it all came to be, she went away for school. I remember her saying “I’ll be back, you’ll see!” We kept in touch in the beginning. I was eager to do whatever it took – but she wasn’t willing. I never expected to see her again, but now, here she was. I wonder if she saw me..Should I call her name? Would the love we shared back then ever be the same? I had the urge to follow her; let the floral perfume lead the way. As I was pondering the decision to see where she went, a sweet little girl tugs my jeans and says, “Hey mister, have you seen where my mommy went?” Time begins to unfreeze and I look down. My eyes grow wide and I start to frown. She looks just like me…The girl begins to cry – I’m too shocked to even notice. Behind her, I hear a voice I know all too well: “Jazmine, where are you Jazmine?” My mouth damn near dropped to my knees. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The gentle voice moves closer and closer; the floral scent growing stronger. “Mommy, mommy, I’m happy I found you!” Brandi swiftly picks up the girl. Her daughter? She seems just as shocked as I am. “Wow…I never thought I’d see you again” She sees my eyes moving from the little girl to her. The only words I could muster up were “Is this real?” She replies cautiously, “Remember the time on the old Ferris wheel?”

The Discourse of Us

if I could go back in time


I’d choose not to leave


the quiet town that was home


the place I miss most


if I could go back in time


I would not meet you


I can’t imagine that life


one that is peaceful


a life without the heartbreak


without questioning my worth


the life I wish I had now

(Un)Reachable Aspirations

I sometimes need to convince myself


that I can change the hand I’ve been dealt


I know situations can change


and that there is sunshine after the rain


yet I can’t help but to feel so stuck


with my head barely above the muck


I remind myself to think about the bigger picture


great things are coming soon, though I wish it’d happen quicker


I tell myself that these sleepless nights are worth it in the long run


Even though I’d love to take some nights off to have fun


Though the road to turning dreams into reality is long; with lots of bumps, turns and twists


I tell myself that, through it all, I have to push through and persist


The Same Old Song

Wandering about


Thinking aloud


Arms up ready to shout


Falling to the ground


A rush of pain


Slow and hot like a flame


Shirt torn, jeans stained


Am I the one to blame?


Pushing off the ground


Trying to reflect but nothing is found


Feeling remorseful and not so proud


What am I doing wrong?


Still the same old song


Why can’t I break free from the hurt?


I yell as my feet stomp the earth


Running and running away


It’s all I know; its even harder to stay


In Search of…

She’s been looking for acceptance in all the wrong places


Looking for familiarity in all these random faces


She’s been searching for love in anyone she meets


Nothing is found in these ever changing sheets


She longs for something she’s not sure exists


Love? Happiness? She’s not quite sure what it is


She questions her choices and her motives


She hates that despite it all, she always feels so broken