Anxious Livin’ is No Livin’ At All

heavily breathing

turns into 

holding my breath for so long

turns into

not breathing at all

 

realizing I’m clenching tight

my hands and my toes

tongue’s glued to the top of my mouth

lips feel wired shut

 

head down to avoid looking

to ignore the stares

from those who

just don’t get it

my thoughts run wild

from school to work to dinner

such trivial things

what’s gonna happen?

what will tomorrow be like?

frantic thinking now

start to think of the future

consciously aware

of the panic setting in

where will I be then?

my goals? a relationship?

will I have children?

will I ever get married?

I think about everything

now, and all at once

panicking, I just

shut down

back to the present

Write, Release, Repeat

Please put that damned pen down”

 

Go talk to someone”

 

not realizing writing helps

 

I don’t want to talk

 

don’t want to sit in a chair

 

just to talk about

 

emotional attachment

 

just to see someone judge me 

 

for not moving on

 

to feel awkward when I cry

 

I’d rather write down

 

the way I feel, without shame

 

without the stigma

 

of someone from the outside

 

forcing themselves to dig in

Ferris Wheel

Her perfume floats through the warm summer air. Floral – her favorite. She walked on by, without so much as a stare. My heart is racing a mile a minute, all the while my legs want to give out. How does she still have this affect on me? Time stands still – memories from long ago suddenly flash through my head. How long has it been? 5 years? I picture the last moment we spent together, a beautiful night at the pier, holding each other close, while we rode round the Ferris wheel. She seemed so happy that night. So vibrant and full of life. We fell in love so quick, with no cares in the world. I’ve never been more proud to call anyone my girl. As quick as it all came to be, she went away for school. I remember her saying “I’ll be back, you’ll see!” We kept in touch in the beginning. I was eager to do whatever it took – but she wasn’t willing. I never expected to see her again, but now, here she was. I wonder if she saw me..Should I call her name? Would the love we shared back then ever be the same? I had the urge to follow her; let the floral perfume lead the way. As I was pondering the decision to see where she went, a sweet little girl tugs my jeans and says, “Hey mister, have you seen where my mommy went?” Time begins to unfreeze and I look down. My eyes grow wide and I start to frown. She looks just like me…The girl begins to cry – I’m too shocked to even notice. Behind her, I hear a voice I know all too well: “Jazmine, where are you Jazmine?” My mouth damn near dropped to my knees. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The gentle voice moves closer and closer; the floral scent growing stronger. “Mommy, mommy, I’m happy I found you!” Brandi swiftly picks up the girl. Her daughter? She seems just as shocked as I am. “Wow…I never thought I’d see you again” She sees my eyes moving from the little girl to her. The only words I could muster up were “Is this real?” She replies cautiously, “Remember the time on the old Ferris wheel?”

The Discourse of Us

if I could go back in time

 

I’d choose not to leave

 

the quiet town that was home

 

the place I miss most

 

if I could go back in time

 

I would not meet you

 

I can’t imagine that life

 

one that is peaceful

 

a life without the heartbreak

 

without questioning my worth

 

the life I wish I had now

(Un)Reachable Aspirations

I sometimes need to convince myself

 

that I can change the hand I’ve been dealt

 

I know situations can change

 

and that there is sunshine after the rain

 

yet I can’t help but to feel so stuck

 

with my head barely above the muck

 

I remind myself to think about the bigger picture

 

great things are coming soon, though I wish it’d happen quicker

 

I tell myself that these sleepless nights are worth it in the long run

 

Even though I’d love to take some nights off to have fun

 

Though the road to turning dreams into reality is long; with lots of bumps, turns and twists

 

I tell myself that, through it all, I have to push through and persist

 

The Same Old Song

Wandering about

 

Thinking aloud

 

Arms up ready to shout

 

Falling to the ground

 

A rush of pain

 

Slow and hot like a flame

 

Shirt torn, jeans stained

 

Am I the one to blame?

 

Pushing off the ground

 

Trying to reflect but nothing is found

 

Feeling remorseful and not so proud

 

What am I doing wrong?

 

Still the same old song

 

Why can’t I break free from the hurt?

 

I yell as my feet stomp the earth

 

Running and running away

 

It’s all I know; its even harder to stay

 

In Search of…

She’s been looking for acceptance in all the wrong places

 

Looking for familiarity in all these random faces

 

She’s been searching for love in anyone she meets

 

Nothing is found in these ever changing sheets

 

She longs for something she’s not sure exists

 

Love? Happiness? She’s not quite sure what it is

 

She questions her choices and her motives

 

She hates that despite it all, she always feels so broken

No Good Answers

Why do we hold onto things that make us sad?

Talk to those who make us mad?

Why do we look for happiness in others?

When we know it’ll only cause us to suffer?

Why do we put someone else’s needs ahead of our own?

Is it because we believe it’ll help out self love grow?

Why do we stay with people who don’t care?

Is it because we just want someone, anyone, to be there?

A Battle Within Myself

I care so much for others

To the point where I become a bother

I feel everyone’s pain; I’m too empathetic

Yet I’m numb to my own; it’s deeply embedded

I can love anyone despite what they’ve overcome

To love myself, though, has been the hardest thing I’ve done

 

 

Slow and Eternal Burn

He put a match to her heart

And watched it slowly set aflame

He toyed with her emotions as if it were one big game

He led her on, made her believe in happily ever after

Little did she know, it would all end in disaster

She showered him with compassion and kindness

Even loved the worst parts she could find in him

It was never enough

He walked away and left her heart to disintegrate

She’s still waiting for her love for him to dissipate

Pain & Happiness

(Edited & re-posted)

 

In order to see clearly you have to lose it all

 

In order to succeed you first have to fall

 

To feel love you must feel sadness and sorrow

 

To let go of the past is to live for today and tomorrow

 

For a heart to mend it first had to break

 

Then you can begin to fix every last mistake

 

To know happiness you must first feel pain

 

Most times these two come together; they can be one in the same

Secret Crush

Her eyes were bright like embers

 

The color of fallen autumn leave

 

She’s certainly the prettiest girl I’ve seen

 

Her legs moved gracefully, her skin so smooth

 

The orange leaves sway with her every move

 

She has hair so kinky and marvelous

 

And a spirit so free and adventurous

 

Floating away from me

 

Just like the beautiful autumn leaves

 

 

Broken

Her heart feels like it hasn’t been whole

 

A piece of her went missing some time ago

 

Things that once brought her joy don’t matter much now

 

She’s rarely happy; on her face she wears a permanent frown

 

Maintaining relationships has become somewhat of a chore

 

She enjoys her solitude, but her friends think she’s a bore

 

Getting out of bed most days seems like an impossible task

 

Unwilling to face the world, she puts on a cheerful mask

 

She tries to cover her scars and hide her emotions

 

Not wanting to show how badly she is broken

A Simple Love

 

A love so deep it runs through your veins

 

Sharper than any ounce of pain

 

Connection so real it feels like fiction

 

Craving more would be an addiction

 

A touch so gentle it puts you at ease

 

Lighter than the cool morning breeze

 

A kiss so warm it fills your whole body with love

 

Bright and beautiful like the sky above

Read Poetry: Lessons Learned by Leah Reeve

Hey everyone, check out my poem posted on Festival for Poetry’s Page!

POETRY FESTIVAL. Submit to site for FREE. Submit for actor performance. Submit poem to be made into film.

To all those I’ve loved before

Thank you for the memories and so much more

For all the kisses and all the lies

Which taught me things I cannot deny

For every promise that was broken

For every word left unspoken

I’ve learned to share my love with only those who deserve it

No longer willingly giving my heart away

To anyone who would come my way

I’d love too fast and fall too hard

Giving my all and dropping my guard

To all those I’ve loved before

Thank you for the lessons I couldn’t ignore

***
Categories: Love, hurt, fear, rhyme

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Uncertainties of Life

Life is like a box of chocolates

 

That’s how the old saying goes

 

You never know what you’re going to get

 

Life can put you in situations you’re bound to regret

 

Life can also bring you happiness and times you won’t forget

 

Sometimes bad things happen to the good ones

 

It seems that whatever they do, it never matters in the long run

 

Life is supposed to be the best gift one could ever receive

 

For some, however, this is simply hard to believe

 

Life can be easy for one, and hard for others

 

Some may know their purpose, and for some it’s hard to discover

 

Life has obstacles that many cannot complete

 

They may ask, “What’s the point if I face defeat?”

 

Living a life without challenges is to not live at all

 

The most successful people trip before they can stand tall

Haunted Past

As she sits alone and patiently waits

 

She wonders, “How much more can I take?”

 

Constant fights and hurtful words

 

She asks herself, “Is this what I deserve?”

 

People make mistakes, say things they don’t mean

 

She just wants to wake up from this horrible dream

 

She wants to go back in time and change the past

 

She asks, “Isn’t love supposed to last?”

 

She’d take everything back and wipe the slate clean

 

But then she wonders, “Would things be different if he didn’t leave?”

 

He hurt her, caused her so much pain

 

The anger she felt, she couldn’t contain

 

Being with him made terrible feelings surface

 

He made her feel flawed, far from perfect

 

Looking back, she knows it was for the best that he left

 

It took some time, but now it’s easy for her to accept

Frail Hearts

Wanting to use something as an escape

 

Feeling like no one can relate

 

Faking a smile to mask the pain

 

Pretending to be happy is just one tiring game

 

Doubting yourself, second guessing your worth

 

Feeling like nothing will ever work

 

Lying in bed, crying yourself to sleep

 

Life’s a game you can’t seem to beat

 

Keeping everything bottled up

 

Making sure no one will call your bluff

 

Just wanting to feel the same

 

Wishing to never again feel pain

 

Alone

Being alone is either a hit or miss

 

Sometimes it feels like hell, other times like pure bliss

 

The peace and quiet can be serene and delightful

 

Sometimes it’s like the whole world is being spiteful

 

Most days it feels great to be all alone

 

Then there are times you need to break free of your comfort zone

 

Sometimes you can’t bear the feeling of being lonely and secluded

 

Yet the idea of being with someone seems so convoluted

 

With thoughts of loneliness that can’t be suppressed

 

This constant need to be alone is something you begin to detest